So I've spent the last few days shouting all those imbecilic things that people shout when they're really happy -- "Yee-ha!" "Woo-hoo!" "Yahoooooo!" Why? I shall tell you why. It's story time, children.
On Sunday, I received an email from the Director of Graduate Admissions at the University of Virginia. Dr. Professor Gordon Braden. (Okay, just Dr. or Prof. -- this isn't Germany.) It seriously was, like, oh my God, the best email, like, ever. (Yes. It was necessary.) It was probably a form email (even though it seemed personalized, but come on, I write personalized-seeming form emails all the freakin' time), but it still made me super happy. Here's the meat of it:
I'm writing to you about your application to the doctoral program in English at the University of Virginia. I realize it's been a while since you sent in that application; we've had quite a large number of files to work through, and we've found the decisions particularly difficult. In that highly competitive field, though, we were especially impressed by what you sent us. What I can tell you at this point is that you are on a very short waitlist for admission. I'm sorry not to be giving you a final answer one way or another, but we are tightly constrained by finances in making actual offers, since our policy is not to offer anyone admission to our doctoral program without a full package of financial support, and we can only fund 12 of those. I wanted to get in touch to let you know of our great interest in your application, check to see if you are indeed still interested in us (as I very much hope you are), and see if you have any questions I might be able to answer right now.
Do you see why I've been shouting all those imbecilic rejoicements? I've been put on a waiting list!!! And, what's even better, from a later email of Dr. Braden's, I am in the top 5 on that waiting list. That gives me a very, very good shot.
But here's what's making me really happy. It's not that I have a very good shot, because I'm very realistic, and I know that being waitlisted -- even being in the top 5 of the waitlist -- does not guarantee that I will be accepted, and that there's still a good shot that I won't get a place. So it isn't the waitlist that is making me so very, very insanely happy (although, of course, I'm back in that place where I have hope, which is a sad place to be, because it's better not to have hope when there's really no hope). It's the fact that someone has read my application, and has actually considered me for admission. There's one line that I read over and over and over again: "In that highly competitive field, though, we were especially impressed by what you sent us." That's the one. You know why? Because it's validation. It means that someone has read my application (or a committee of someones), and hasn't completely laughed, and thought, "This chick is insane for even thinking of applying." Up to this point, I've been having this conversation in my head. It goes something like this:
"So, I see you've applied to our graduate school."
"Yes, I have. I'm extremely interested in this school . . . "
"Yes, yes, thank you. We've had a large number of applicants this year -- in fact, we've received approximately 300 applications, and we're only able to fund about 12 spots. Tell us -- why should we accept you? You aren't a particularly good applicant, in fact. Let's take a look at your application. . . . Hmmmmm. Well, I see that you did reasonably well on your General GRE, but not outstandingly well on your Subject GRE -- 660? That's only the 76th percentile."
"Yes, well, you know, it was a very difficult test, and even though I spent a great deal of time preparing for it, there were several obscure--"
"Yes, well, I do have applicants who have scored in the 80th percentile and above, so I'm afraid that doesn't help your application. So let's take a look at your transcripts -- oh! Hmmm. I see that your GPA from Ohio State is less than a 3.0?"
"Yes, well, that's something I addressed in my personal statement. You see, I was married during my undergraduate years, and it was a very difficult marriage -- in fact, we're divorced now. I did do well in my major classes, as you can see, but I had also planned on doing a different major before I finally settled on English -- Microbiology, as you can see -- which required lots of math and science classes, and I have to say, I'm not," with a small, deprecatory laugh, "wonderful at math. Also, I took some time off, and then went back to school, and took classes specifically to prepare for graduate studies-- "
"Yes, I see, that, but at California State University, San Bernardino, which does not have the same reputation as Ohio State."
"Yes, I know that, but I did still get a 3.94 GPA, and that included master's-level classes. I know that CSUSB doesn't have the same reputation, but there were some excellent faculty there, who demanded just as much of me as did my professors at OSU."
So this is the conversation I have with myself. It goes on and on, of course, often talking about my personal statement and writing sample, but I won't torment you any further. Let's just say that I'm fairly certain that this entire application process has very seriously demented me. I mean, I know I was slightly demented to begin with, but this has just sent me over the edge. Very little that I think about lately has nothing to do with grad school. Yes -- you read that correctly, and I wrote it correctly. I have become kinda male in my single-mindedness, except that instead of sex, about once a minute I think about grad school.
I won't lie and say it doesn't also dominate my conversation. I try not to let it, but again, it's kinda like being a guy -- if it's what you think about more than anything else, it takes a hell of a lot of self-control not to converse about it . . . and I don't have the lifetime of self-control that most men develop when it comes to sex. So, yes, I obsess about grad school. But is it any wonder? I mean, the rest of my life will be affected -- changed -- by the decisions that I receive in the next few months. Acceptances, funding -- it will all change the course of my future, as nothing else has except for getting married . . . and getting divorced.
Oh, Lord. I have no idea what the point of this post is/was, except that I'm really excited that I've been put on a waitlist. It's a small bit of validation, that will get me through the next round of application decisions. I will just be very, very happy when this is all over.
